Daily Interview with: Hans Happery

After the universe narrowly escaped imploding yesterday, we decided to interview the legendary Hans Happery, who according to our record books is turning 136.5 tomorrow. That can't be right.

Q: Can it?

* silence*

Q: CAN IT?

* absolute silence*

Q: CAN IT, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?!?

* complete, total, undeniable silence*

Q: Okay, he must be dead...

A: What?

Q: WHY WEREN'T YOU TALKING?

A: Because you told me to can it. You know, like shut up?

Q: No, we meant are you turning 136.5 tomorrow?

A: Yes, I am. I'm a zombie. My legendary invention, the Brain Tickler Straw, was invented as a new level of Silly Straw, but then, posthumously, I discovered it was better suited for sucking out people's brains. May I demonstrate?

Q: Um......

A: Time's up! I will by default.

* Error....reporter's brain eaten. See you tomorrow, if we can get this zombie out of our office!