Daily Interview with: Debbie-Jean Wonkle

Today on CNN News Network, we're interviewing the record-breaking hair collector from England, 32-year-old Debbie-Jean Wonkle.

Q: So, Debbie-Jean, what kinds of hair do you collect?

A: *giggles* Well, all kinds, really. Lots of human hair, actually. I keep several cats to collect the hair from by brushing them, and I shave my boyfriend while he's asleep.

Q: Well, um. Okay. So, anyway, how did your dream of hair collecting start?

A: I've always wanted to break a world record, and this one seemed pretty easy. Besides, if I ever get snowed in, I can survive by eating all the hair! *giggles* Well, not all of it... that would mean I had none left.

Q: And how much hair do you have?

A: Oh, not much... only enough to fill three warehouses I rent out. No, my dream is to reach 100,000,000 tons of hair!

Q: That's really quite a lot...do you collect anything else?

A: Oh, sure! I tried a dead skin collection once, but the Feds confiscated it.

Q: What is the best specimen in your collection?

A: The hair of Rapunzel. I chopped it all off and ate her before anyone could find me out.

Q: Ate her?

A: Oh yes! She paired well with Cabernet.

Q: Okay, bye!

A: Wait! I still have something to show you!

Q: What is it?

A: The Hairball! A space alien hocked it up under my couch yesterday. It's really quite large, and it envelops people.

Q: Oh no...
 * *Error: Town enveloped. See you tomorrow, where we'll be interviewing a random person chosen out of a hat! As in, the person themselves is pulled out of a top hat. Bye!